He walks with me...

I love the old hymn "In the Garden". It has special significance for me because I've felt the closest to the Lord when I'm up to my elbows in dirt. I love "seeing" Him in creation. I absolutely love flowers, all kinds of flowers. There is something about the delicacy and beauty in flowers that draws my heart into conversation with Jesus. 

This weekend I went to a Christian retreat, called the Great Banquet. It was amazing. We were asked to leave all electronic devices at home, including our watches. For 3.5 days, I didn't have any contact with my loved ones or even know what time it was! It was very uncomfortable at first. Very. Uncomfortable. I will admit that I didn't have the best attitude that evening. When I came to the Banquet I had no idea what to expect and I was running on empty in my personal relationship with the Lord. He felt so distant, I was numb and being completely honest with myself, I felt forgotten by Him. 

Something I didn't expect in having my media and the time (weird!) taken away, was that I would be completely vulnerable. All of the distractions were taken away. Distractions aren't always bad, sometimes it's just the flow and pace of life that can be distracting. All of that was gone. What was left was me, 71 ladies I didn't know and Jesus. 

Through a teaching on Psalm 23, I was reminded that Jesus prays for me. He prays for me! I knew that in my mind because I've read it in scripture. But for the first time, that truth really sank into my heart. My friends pray for me. Jesus, my friend, prays for me. It was a relief and a precious truth that came at the perfect moment. I wept. 

Now, at that point I was really vulnerable. So much, that I was confronted with sin in my life that I was too distracted to give notice to. It was immensely freeing to call this burden by name, even though it was unseen sin. On Thursday when I arrived I was so stressed that I literally felt like I had a weight on my chest. When I talked to Jesus about my sin that I had just then realized, on top of the understanding that He is my friend that prays for me, I felt like I lost 50lbs of burden! I felt like a friend that I dearly loved and hadn't talked to in a long time, just folded me in an "I've missed you" kind of embrace. Completely amazing. 

During the last talk of the weekend, we were given fresh flowers. Tulips! They were beautiful and smelled amazing. I'm being completely honest and I even struggle to find the words to express this, but I felt like those flowers were handed to me straight from the hand of Jesus. I knew what I had to do... 

During the weekend, a special place for me to pray and think was on a bench under at big wooden cross at the top of the hill. I walked to that cross with my tulips. Praying the whole way. When I got to the foot of the cross, I symbolically placed my burdens on those tulips and left them at the foot of the cross. I cried. It was release. It was a friendship restored. Healing. 

Jesus knows I love flowers. He knows that some of the most precious times with Him is in my garden. It was no coincidence that I was given a beautiful bouquet of tulips. 

1. I come to the garden alone,
   While the dew is still on the roses,
   And the voice I hear falling on my ear
   The Son of God discloses.
   • Refrain:
     And He walks with me, and He talks with me,
     And He tells me I am His own;
     And the joy we share as we tarry there,
     None other has ever known.
1.